Should I Get Divorced? 10 Signs That You are in an Unhealthy Marriage
When I meet with a potential client I am often faced with the unanswerable question of, “so after hearing my marriage story, should I get divorced?” People assume that because I am a divorce attorney, that I am pro-divorce. That simply isn’t true. I am pro-healthy marriage. If your marriage isn’t healthy then maybe you should explore other options. In short, I cannot answer the question of whether divorce is the right decision for you or your family, but I can help you identify if you are in an unhealthy marriage. Below are the most common signs that your marriage is unhealthy (or, at the very least, needs some attention):
There is a lack of respect in the relationship. This may take on the extreme form of physical, emotional or psychological abuse. But it can also take on the less obvious form of jokes at your expense, or undermining your contributions to the family. It may be easy to temporarily laugh off the latter, but constant put-downs erode the relationship. A lack of respect can easily morph into harmful contempt, stonewalling and gaslighting.
Control over money. If your partner controls all of the financial decisions despite your request to be included and given access to marital funds, you may be a victim of financial abuse. Conversely, if you feel the need to control all aspects of your family’s finances because your partner is fiscally irresponsible or has different ideas about saving, this is a sign that you are on different pages on what the marriage’s financial future should look like.
You are spending less meaningful time together. It’s not uncommon for couples to only see each other a few hours a day. It’s hard juggling work, kids and other responsibilities! But is the time you are together quality time? Are you both on your respective phones or are you doing something together? If you no longer feel the need to make the effort or your partner isn’t making an effort, it is indicative of a lack of commitment to the marriage.
You’ve stopped laughing. Life is hard! Marriage is hard! Raising kids is hard! But you deserve a partner in crime who will laugh with you until the bitter end.
You’re unhappy. I see this one a lot. A potential client tells me that he or she cannot pinpoint why they want a divorce, but they just aren’t happy anymore. That feeling is valid. Your instincts are valid. If your marriage is good, then you should be happy most of the time. End of story.
Your loved ones are encouraging you to get divorced. Your loved ones sometimes know you better than you know yourself. They may be able to see a change in you that you were content to ignore. Don’t disregard what a loved one says just because you are not ready to hear it.
You live like roommates. This can mean a lot of things: there is a lack of physical and/or emotional intimacy, you are unfazed when your partner is gone for long periods of time, there are no date nights, there is a prolonged feeling of indifference or you live completely separate lives.
There is a sudden change in behavior. A sudden change in behavior may suggest a common marriage pitfall like adultery, habitual intoxication or drug use. These common marriage pitfalls are very difficult to overcome because it is nearly impossible to restore lost trust.
You have grown apart. Maybe you and your partner no longer have any shared interests. Maybe your goals and beliefs are no longer aligned. Maybe you are just parents and no longer life partners. In a perfect world a married couple grows together. But we are all individuals and growing at our own pace. And sometimes two people who were once very connected can grow apart.
You have begun strategizing a divorce. If your instincts keep pushing you toward a divorce, then this is the ultimate sign that your marriage is no longer a healthy one.
Lennon, Giovinazzo & Steele Family Law attorneys have the knowledge and experience to help with any family law issues. Contact us at 404.726.8501 or visit our website at www.lgsfamilylaw.com to schedule a Zoom or in-person consultation.